Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
