oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
