Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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