I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
