do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
