It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
