I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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