Your face is a jimmy john
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
