I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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