Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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