I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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