dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
