Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
NoShamevember. You game?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
