The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize