She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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