Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
