So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
