i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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