ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize