I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just found puke in my bra..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
