I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
