Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can I color on your dick again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
