who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
