I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
