hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found the puke drawer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
