Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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