so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
