Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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