I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize