I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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