Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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