kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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