Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
