Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
