Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
