haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
