Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize