I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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