So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize