This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
