Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize