Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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