I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
