If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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