im having a threesome with these popsicles
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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