Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
