I feel like abortions should bother me more
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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