I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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