It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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