Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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