Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
