my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
