mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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