Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
