Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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