dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
