do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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