i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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