i don't like sucking hair
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
