Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
