I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
