Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize