That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize