so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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