yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the raccoons are back...
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