What did we do last night that was yellow?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
