Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
