also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
