You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize