Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize