Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
