You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
