you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
