Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
