One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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