Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
no, he came in my armpit
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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