Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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