Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize