drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
