I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize