It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
