the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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