all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
