i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
