Screwed.edu
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
