I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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