Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
