At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
