dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
