Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
