I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize