I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
