BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
