Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
