I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
