I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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