im having a threesome with these popsicles
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
