Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
