apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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