Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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